Beach Living

I moved into my new house this weekend. 7 months at the beach. 1 block from the baeach. Rupert can run around off lead and while I have to drive to work now, I spend me free time walking around a quiet community by the beach. It's wonderful. I thought the seclusion would be daunting and lonely, and it might in a few months, but what I feel right now is like I've really come home. I've wanted to live at the beach for as long as I can remember. Another dream coming true. Amazing.

Contradiction

I find people so interesting. They ask for space, I give it to them, and then they don't want it anymore. Do they just want to feel like they are getting what they are requesting and once they feel validated, they realize they no longer need it? Is it that deep, or just some kind of a game? I don't know, but it seems a little crazy.

T-minus 6 days and counting until the move. I have WAY too much to do right now and there's probably a low liklihood that I'll get it all accomplished. So, I'm going to go have brunch instead of worrying about it!

And finally...a real picture

So, that was Halloween...it was fun :)

Random

I had stopped writing about relationships because it's always the same old same old with me. I start, I stop. I know something isn't right, but I keep trying to make it work. It's not that the other person is a bad person every time, per se, but we just don't work together.

It's amazing to me that it's exactly the same every single time. Happy for two weeks, some kind of confrontation, then a breakup or near breakup, apologies, then happy for like a day and then criticism again. Why in the hell would anyone continue this rollercoaster? Because it's familiar? Because I hope it will finally be different? It clearly won't as it hasn't for 9 months. It really has been the strangest and most immature relationship I've ever been in. And it's not fun or fulfilling.

So, that's why I stopped writing about it. It seemed just stupid. And I won't write any more about it.

So, the good news is that I am moving to the beach in one week for the winter. It's all set up-the movers, the storage, the cottage. I can't wait! I have to work every day until next Thursday, so it will be a flurry of packing and cleaning between shifts. I can't wait :)

Sadness

My parents emailed me this morning with the news that a friend of the family has a fatal rapidly progressive brain disease-a prion disease-and was given about 3 months to live. She was a vibrant, happy and loving woman and in a matter of a few weeks has markedly deteriorated. It's akin to being struck by lightening, that's how rare this is and it always seems completely unfair. Why her? Why now?

It made me stop and take a breath. Life is short. Our time here is precious. Why do we waste it on worrying about stupid meaningless things when we should be enjoying every moment we have? I know this better than anyone, but have gotten wrapped up in so much other shit.

Please keep their family in your thoughts and prayers, if you're someone that prays.

Return to the real world

I am sitting in eastern Maine, preparing to leave in about an hour. Headed back to Portland and have to work at 11am tomorrow. Sigh.

I have so much to do when I get back. Find self storage, pack, recertify in two different things, fix the car and continue to apply for new jobs. I did have a really nice and quiet weekend, although I am sure I alienated a number of people. But some things just needed to happen. I need a little space. I need space from everyone to figure out what I really need and what I really want. This weekend helped. It helped to have quiet to feel some things. Now it's back to the real world to put those things into practice.

I can't wait to move to the beach, but I hate the actual move. The packing and unpacking, the renting of a truck and hiring movers. Ugh. And add in the car issues and everything else I need to do. It's a lot of stuff. Oh well. Time to pack this laptop up and get ready to go.

It's too freakin' dark too early

I would like to state for the record that I am vehemently not in favor of daylight savings time. It got dark around 4:15 today. Yikes.

As a result, I was forced to run in the dark on a country road here in eastern Maine until I swear I saw a shadow run across a yard, which made me shriek, turn and run back to the apartment. I think Halloween got to me.

Halloween was very fun for me. I did dress up and went out to a little bar here and had a great time dancing and playing pool I did imbibe a bit too much and thus am feeling a little nasty today.

Tonight's agenda: eat the salad, manicotti with two sauces and ice cream I made (I bought the ice cream) for dinner. Watch one of the movies I rented. Curl up in comfy clothes and go to sleep early. It's been a very relaxing weekend for me and I'm almost ready to return to Portland and face $1100 in car repairs and a move to the beach in less than two weeks! So much to do...but for tonight I get to continue to ignore it all and just relax.